Excerpt from Gifts from the Inner Child...

"I found meditation to be a very challenging process. In speaking with a friend about my troubles with concentration in meditation she explained that was 'ego-chatter' and assured me that was a natural thing to experience when beginning meditation. As discussions went further, I explained that I was beginning to understand what those little ego messages were, and how it seemed like a bratty little kid out of control. My friend suggested that I try a meditation to invite my inner child to say what was on her mind."

"I had been pretty skeptical about this 'inner child' crap. It seemed so fake and 'new agey.' I found it especially irritating when I would hear people blame their bad behaviors on their inner child. 'Oh my inner child is having a tantrum today, so I’m just letting her have her own way for a while.' Oh please!"

"In spite of this, I decided to just give it a try. To my surprise it was an amazing experience. As I entered into a meditative state, I visualized my sanctuary, a place that I had set up to use in all my meditations. When I brought the child in, she appeared as me at the age of about 3. She was dressed in pink pajamas and sat in a child’s rocking chair, sobbing from the depths of her being. I remember experiencing her pain and loneliness, as it pierced my heart and pulled at me to do something for her."

"At first I was overwhelmed by her sadness and loneliness. Then I visualized myself picking her up and just holding her. In that very simple but powerful gesture the healing process began. The key element, the thing that she desired most, and ultimately what I needed was the comfort, love, and recognition from myself. I had to pursue these intense concepts a great deal in consequent meditations."

"The first thing she wanted, was just to be held. That is exactly what the adult me felt as well. However, there were times when working with her was extremely difficult, and she tested my patience. I remember some 'acting out behavior' and of course, some of that leaked through in the form of me being snappy or abrupt with others."

"During one particular meditation when I was trying to convince the child that she had to be good, which she refused to listen to. So I visualized dumping her into a fountain in the garden of my sanctuary. I realize from this mistake that this was what I/she had heard all of my life, I needed to be 'good.'' Dumping on my inner child certainly didn’t help, it just affirmed the negative message. This negative notion presumed that from a very early age, I was not a good person. It was a poisonous judgment, one of the earliest and deepest wounds that needed to be healed."

"There were many meditations during which she and I struggled. They didn’t seem productive in helping me move forward, but it demonstrated what didn’t work. I simply wasn’t unconditionally loving myself, in fact, quite the opposite. It was a slow process of learning to practice unconditional love on myself, while confronting the negative behavior and beliefs of the child within."

"Eventually I realized that she really was acting out as any child would, and that parenting skills needed to be employed in the healing process. There were times when, as I learned to parent myself, I had to put this kid in time out in order to establish healthier boundaries. That worked for awhile, but what I discovered to be most effective was to include her in this healing work."

"In doing this healing work with my inner child, I recalled many memories both good and bad. One of the earliest was about helping to educate a large group of people, although I didn’t realize it at the time. The story evoked deep emotions within, because that child didn’t get to use her voice much."

"When I was about 3 or 4 years old, my parents took me to Boston to one of the numerous appointments to see the ophthalmologist. This one however, was not routine. I was being presented to my doctor’s class of medical students at Harvard. I had had many eye examinations and surgeries, this was just one of the many aspects of being born with glaucoma. It was a rare and unusual event in a child’s life and made for a good case study. I was not asked if I wanted to be presented to this class of medical students and it didn’t occur to anyone to ask me."

"I arrived with my mother and father just outside a big lecture hall. Then I was asked to go into the big room by myself, and meet my doctor who was waiting for me. As I, a very small child holding a teddy bear, walked the distance to my doctor, I noticed the size of the room. To me it seemed like an enormous cave. The fact that the students, all men, were sitting up on risers above me, only served to heighten my anxiety and feelings of vulnerability."

"The doctor asked me to sit down in a wooden chair next to him, and I did so. He then asked me if he could look into my eyes with his light. As I sat clutching my teddy bear, I replied to him that he had to check Yogi’s eyes first. Although I was quite serious, the request broke the lecture hall into laughter, and seemed to diffuse the tension I was feeling. I wasn’t able to express my feelings about being so small and vulnerable, but I used the only tool I had-humor."

"Recalling this memory taught me that my inner child still carried these experiences with her/me, along with the wounds that didn’t completely heal. It was very important to give voice to the inner child in this situation. By recalling memories, the feelings can be worked through and released appropriately."

"The action of including this small frightened part of myself in the healing journey, meant that things were shifting in a very positive way. The meditations and healing work took on a much deeper sense of self acceptance. All of a sudden, I wasn’t just faking self acceptance-I really was getting the hang of it. I was able to find ways of accepting that part of me, even when there were temper tantrums or fears. We both learned as a whole being, how to play and be the wondrous, joyful child again…"