Loving Ownership
gwen@lovingself.net | 802-879-2706
By Gwen Evans
The moment we take ownership of some adversity that is occurring in our lives, is the moment that we transform that adversity into a gift. Sounds easy on paper, but terribly difficult to handle in real life. Why is this so?
We have been taught from a very early age that many things in life are to be feared. The world around us, the people in it, and even ourselves, are all sources of fear at one time or another. As a result we constantly have a subtle but persistent voice inside whispering things like: "I’m not good enough; I hope they don’t find out how bad I am;, somebody is out to get me." Most times these messages are so subtle that we don’t hear them consciously, but they are always playing in the background of our minds.
In a recent conversation with a friend beginning her own spiritual quest, she said that she had been learning about her ego and its tricks, and now she was starting to think of her ego as a Satan-like figure. I was horrified at this as I have had struggles with my own ego and found that label to be very negative.
Our egos are a part of us and have an important role to play in our development, but ego’s role has been distorted. The Spirit and ego aspects were meant to work in harmony with one another and not against each other. The ego’s role was meant to keep us in our bodies as we take this journey of being human. The practical things of daily living, such as maintaining the body and meeting our physical needs, are the true functions of the ego.
When this friend described her new image of her ego, it illustrated the point that in becoming conscious of how ego fears work in our lives, we can also begin to look very negatively at that ego part of ourselves. To see the ego in this negative way is merely one of its tricks to disguise the fears within. When we take a close look at the world’s problems in a conscious manner, many of these issues can be pared down to egos. It’s easy to understand why someone would see the ego as a Satan figure.
Each of us can take loving ownership of our own ego without taking on self blame. We can look at this as a process of realigning our ego to bring it back to its original purpose and bring in the working connection with spirit. Often in our culture the concept of taking responsibility is coupled with the actions of blaming or shaming. Many people think that taking responsibility for their actions also means that they need to take on shame as well. This is self-punishment and does not serve to move us forward.
Sometimes we feel the need to avoid taking responsibility for ourselves because it feels too painful. We end up blaming others for our actions and outcomes. So often it is too easy to say "if only this person would change," but this is an excellent excuse for not looking at our own selves. Neither reaction is helpful and only keeps us in the place of fear.
Taking responsibility means to take ownership of one’s actions from a loving non-judgmental place. Simply put, when we make a mistake, we recognize and acknowledge it, correct it if possible, and move on. When we use shame or blame we are using ego-tricks on ourselves and others to react from a place of fear. We can build positive relationships by using our relationship to ourselves as the model.
Just as a loving parent assists a child in learning to correct inappropriate behavior, so will this method work on our egos. One way to do this is to use a visual image of an inner child as the ego. Using this image in meditation we can learned to re-parent the ego, and repeatedly bring it back from that place of fear. It may become very trying, as child rearing is at times but if we develop that inner relationship with ourselves, our perceptions of life dramatically improve. If the little ego is feeling heard, it is much less likely to get stuck in the fear.
So remember the ego is a necessary part of the whole being. By nurturing the inner child with love and listening as a parent would do, balance of mind, body and spirit can be created.
© 2003 Gwen Evans
