Change Your Mind, Change Your Emotion
gwen@lovingself.net | 802-879-2706
By Gwen Evans
Do you ever feel that your emotions run wild? Do you ever think about the difference between a feeling and an emotion? Many of us believe they are the same but that isn’t necessarily true. Likewise, we tend to believe we cannot change how we feel, and this is also untrue.
Before we can realize the power of choice in our responses, we must understand the difference between feelings and emotions. Webster’s 9th New Collegiate Dictionary defines these words as follows:
Feeling: 1. One of the basic physical senses of which the skin contains the chief end organs and of which the sensations of touch and temperature are characteristic; 1b. Generalized bodily consciousness or sensation; 1c. Appreciative or responsive awareness or recognition. Feeling denotes any partly mental, partly physical response, marked by pleasure, pain, attraction, or repulsion; it may suggest the mere existence of a response but imply nothing about the nature or intensity of it.
Emotion: 1. A psychic and physical reaction, as anger or fear, subjectively experienced as strong feeling and physiologically involving changes that prepare the body for immediate and vigorous action. Emotion carries a strong implication of excitement or agitation, but like feeling encompasses both positive and negative responses."
In both of these definitions, there is a strong tie between mind and body through the experiences of feelings and emotions. Quite simply, a feeling is something you experience through the body on a physical level. An emotion is a reaction or response to the feeling, as the mind expresses that sensation. You may feel anger as a sensation in your gut or as something rising up within you. The trick is to realize that just as you can change your mind about what color sweater to wear, you can also change your mind about the emotional reaction or response you express.
You can choose to act upon this sensation by giving voice to it or by making a physical response, such as hitting the table. Another choice might be to acknowledge the sensation from within before taking any action. Next time you feel this sensation, try to stop yourself before the reaction erupts from your body, and ask yourself "What is causing this emotion I’m about to express? Is this really what I am feeling in my body?"
The key to understanding all of this is knowing there is a difference between reacting and responding. Often our bodily feelings are not accurately expressed by the emotions we release. For example, you may be feeling hurt by someone who has rejected you and before you realize it you react by expressing great anger or frustration. Anger and frustration are reactions that mask the true feeling of hurt.
A response is a more thoughtful approach that requires you to delay the reaction until you can examine the situation. For example, if you feel hurt by a perceived rejection, you can choose to respond by feeling good about offering help or feeling bad about being rejected. Most of us would say we would rather feel good than feel bad, but we rarely realize we have the power to make this choice.
This sounds good on paper but it’s not so easy to put into practice. We have been operating under the misbelief that we lacked the power of choice and Ta Da!…we now have power!
Just imagine there now is a referee present to help negotiate between the body’s feelings and the mind’s emotions. This referee is a wise entity that enables us to recognize what the body is feeling and help the mind choose a response that is the most appropriate to our health and situation. Often the referee will advise that the emotion be voiced quietly and clearly. The referee may suggest tears so that emotion will help wash away painful physical feelings. What we feel is actually a fear-based reaction from the misbelief that we are incapable or unlovable. Our referee knows this is not true and will suggest a loving response. We call this inner referee "spirit" and spirit’s job is to bring the mind and body into harmony with itself. Learning to listen to our referee is essential to make better choices between reacting and responding.
Becoming more conscious of our body’s feelings and our mind’s emotions is part of the healing process, leading us to discover the power of choice.
© 2003 Gwen Evans
